A Heartfelt Check-in and Guide to Releasing Judgement
How are You FEELING?
We are one month (if not more for some) into social distancing, staying at home, not seeing our family, friends and co-workers. We have been forced into working from home, going to work as essential workers or going to our place of work under limited conditions. Many of us are facing new realities of working overtime and under extreme circumstances. And, at the same time, being expected to instantly create a new normal that works for us, our families and everyone around us.
Can we collectively agree, this process of adapting and changing in the way we do things and work is ... HARD?
It is probable, what keeps us going is our mindset:
“Yes, I can do it,”
“Yes, I am doing it,”
“Yes, I will continue to do what it takes, until I can safely function amongst others, again.”
Yes, our collective minds recognize the difficulty and the strain that is beginning to take its toll. The feelings of exhaustion around the mundane and endless to do lists is influencing our ability to stay active. And, the reality of acknowledging our added responsibilities, i.e., children and their school work, keeping up with what we need at home and for work, along with the potential devastating losses of life and finances that are incurring everywhere – it all “feels” like too much to bear.
During these times of high-level adapting with each new day, judgement of ourselves and others can creep in as a silent unwanted companion. When we are grieving our old ways of doing things, our past successes, or our future hope for success that were planned and now put on hold – judgement of ourselves and others can become a constant voice that was never invited to our table. And yet, this voice seems to justify our actions, thoughts and behaviors to JUDGE, whether it is to judge ourselves or to judge others.
How are you doing?
Check-in with yourself
How many times have you not done what you said you were going to do this past month and then beaten yourself up about it?
How many times have you been scrolling through social media looking at the way others are handling this crisis and judging them? Or, judging yourself for not handling things in a similar way that looks more post-worthy?
How many times have you judged your significant other, your co-workers, your children, or your family for not being self-isolation super stars?
Judgement of ourselves and others stops our normal flow of breathing. It’s like we breathe in and we hold our breath, and hold it...and hold it more and more...
Judgement restricts our way of breathing. Trust me, you are okay. You are worthy. And, you do not need to walk this journey hand in hand with judgement. In fact, you simply can’t - it’s not sustainable and it will ONLY chip away at you until it fully breaks you.
Judgement needs a good cleansing breath.
My encouragement - Take a deep breath and LET. IT. GO.
Lessons from my past
Between growing up in the Baptist church and being a competitive gymnast – I experienced judgement daily. While I understand negativity through judgement was not the intent, it was deeply engrained in me to judge myself and to judge others. I held on to this belief in and through to my early adulthood.
I found the church’s approach of judging others extremely narrow-minded. It based its beliefs on literal interpretations of the Scripture, which induced fear and following strict guidelines. If, I chose not to be fearful or follow the strict guidelines, I felt judged.
Gymnastics is another approach of inducing fear and following the strict rules and guidelines. Every routine from the floor, vault, beam and bars is literally judged by a point system, along with being subjectively judged. Yes, skills and form are understandably required, but each meet is comparing and judging one competitor against another, with the goal to be perfect– unlike most sports with more clarity and direct rules of winning.
I am a naturally competitive individual. That said, growing up with an older brother and his friends may have influenced my competitive nature, as well. When I combine my years in my twenties of establishing myself in NYC to working my way up a heavily male dominated hotel industry, where I was respected and valued for my hard work ethic, along with my childhood experiences of being led within the male dominated church with highly strict rules... it provided the perfect scenario to ride the judgement train. I was fully on board and for a long time. I judged myself constantly. I judged others for not doing enough. I judged others when they got what I wanted before me. I even judged others when they didn’t recognize me. Especially, when I felt deserving of being recognized.
It wasn't until I took a deep dive into my own inner-self and embarked on a new inner spiritual journey where I began to experience a full judgement cleanse. I BREATHED. Boy, did I breathe. And, it felt liberating. Upon entering in, moving in and through my inner spiritual journey, on the other side of my journey thus far, a new career has taken form and it is called, “Entrepreneurship.”
After you recognize judgement, what do you do?
If you can resonate with any of my thoughts about judgement above, know you are not alone. Recognizing self-judgement and the judgement of others requires a level of commitment to self-awareness. If, you’re here reading this and recognize your personal or outer judgement, you are well on your way to cleansing your judgmental behaviors. It can be done!
Through my studies and life experiences I’ve learned and practiced several ways to release judgement. Here are 3 simple ways to begin your judgement cleanse and start feeling better in the moment and NOW!
Feel the feeling that caused the judgement and release the attachment.
When you can name how you are feeling, allow yourself to feel the feeling fully. Then, release your attachment to the feeling. You will free yourself of judgement. This may take minutes, hours or even a full day. My encouragement is to commit to releasing your judgement, so it does not overwhelm your spirit and general productivity.
Don’t compare / gain perspective
Comparing yourselves to others or even yourself from the past is toxic. Your truth is your truth, your experience is your experience – yes, you can have compassion for others that have different circumstances which allows you to gain perspective, but do not discount your own reality being true for you. You can have empathy for others while remaining transparent with yourself.
Create a plan
When you feel judgement coming on, execute your plan.
Have an accountability partner – your significant other, a work colleague, someone who understands you and can work through your struggle with you.
Shift your focus – change up what you are doing, call a friend, exercise, walk the dog, meditate, listen to a podcast or uplifting music. Sometimes you need a simple shift in your physical moment to have a greater impact on your mental being.
Focus on gratitude – take out a pen and paper and write out 10 things you are grateful for – what you focus on will expand the depth and breadth of who you are and what is most important to you. You’ll be surprised how easily you can come up with 10, if not more by putting pen to paper.
How are you feeling now?
Can you identify some areas you want to release judgement of yourself and others so that you have more room for happiness and freedom to fully experience the life that is meaningful to you? My intention of writing is to be of service to you and ignite new thought processes for you to explore further for your own personal and professional growth.
Take one last deep breath, let it go, and when you find yourself in judgement mode, choose to begin again.
With Gratitude,
Chelsea